neda

a chance that cannot miss

I often feel the approach of what I need.  I being human need love, warmth, and support.  This is what I need and have wanted.  I know it.  It is known by me both active and passive, given to me from a ulterior source, without abrupt ends or burning.  Happiness and contentment.  Thanks to the three for this, I am coming.

 

I have no space I want only coals smolder left to the left flows the smoke and run, these coals of ignited flesh should fall to my shoulders carelessly, as though I worked hard to not make it looked like I worked hard to make it look like I haven’t worked hard and if I did work hard its only to the benefit of planning the coals arrange themselves spilling onto the cold floor in that reckless abandon only years OF practice can create

 

EVERY

 

Thing done and punishment enough is thinking that I have this choice when I have no choice. That you have this choice which is no choice is evidence though that I DO this choice to plainly diverge planned intersections, giving no direction, seeking out ridiculously long sentences to justify what you and I cannot conceive cannot conceive cannot

 

Miss,

 

Conceive ANY

 

Thing that not is.  Thinking is doing.  Doing is thinking.  I am doing a thing.

 

I AM IN THIS TOGETHER.  I AM IN THIS TOGETHER NOTHING I CAN FORSEE CANNOT miss BECOME A VARRIATION OF PLANNING to provide the coals with nothing if not chance, a chance coldly calculated a chance, brought up to itself,

 

A chance that cannot miss.

i can't help this

there is a desire and there are desires and i cannot really communicate desire can i because it is simply a longing for filling a perceived absence that is only recognized as being there if one feels the need that there (SHOULD FUCKING BE) something there and yet at the same time this slips into a crack, each desire no matter for what

EACH DESIRE SLIPS INTO A NETHERCRACK.  LOVE, LIFE, LIVE, NEURAL FUCKING PATHWAYS.

such thought/emotion/feeling/soul reduced to neurology providing some comfort in a way for this to slip i guess.  "religious areas of the brain".  

with the numerous (some theorize there may be as many as 24) cognitive centers in my brain or the numerous (some theorize there may be as many as 24)(24, 2+4=6, two 6's, I NEED ANOTHER 6) dimensions to string theory, quantum cognition?

foolish concept.  

everything is real.  nothing is permitted.  deal fucking with that.

3 words. 3 words four words.  10.  6+4=10.  1+0=1.

one one one one one one one one one one

this is a note

but you could but

i could blow out

giving said option 

to my choice thought then

there is no known plan

there is no known plan

there is no known plan

there is no known plan

any moment i choose

but somehow you're still

alive

and i don't understand 

so there must be a plan

some but not omnipotent plan

some but not omnipotent plan

the same sound with little puncuation

It is still the same sound as it was before when then it was the same sound I think it might have even been samer but I can’t be the same because the sound was the same then and I hear the same sound but can’t be the same sound without my recognizing it as the same sound if I did not recognize it it would not be the same sound right because the old sound would not have existed but now I think I get that it is the same sound independently of me but I can’t tell really because it is a different sound outside me than inside of me inside of me inside of me it is the same sound only when my brain recognizes a similar sound but tells me that it’s not the same sound as this sound but is only a similar sound but it could be simulated or stimulated by the same sounds that made the same sound but it sounded at a different time thus not the same sound because SIMIAN certainly time is a feature of the same sound so thusly the same sound at different time is not the same sound yet why then does my brain tell me that it was the same sound as before when obviously to anyone it is not the same sound without the same time SIMIAN but it would be the same sound at the same time but it was played during a different time but what even if the same sound was really the same sound it would be still not the same sound because every one agrees that the time at which the same sound is played is an essential characteristic something as ridiculous sounding as music theory even adds time or duration committing the same sound into the essential/existential dimension of the property of a sound being what and at which time the sound occurred so to be the same sound this sound must be produced at the same time as the same sound to be the same sound but if this hypothetical same sound sounded at the same time as the same sound it would then be indistinguishable from the same sound and as there now being two of the same sounds at once they converge and then become the same sound but if this same sound came from two different sources at the same time they would be different sounds because certainly space is a consideration concerning some sound the time must be the same and the space must be the same to be the same sound but these sounds fill the vibrating air and become the same vibration thereby making themselves into the same sound but still at some microscopic level there is a small amount of  a PARTICULAR vibration still lasting from the different sounds so space cannot therefore hold more than one of the same sound and time allows only the one sound to be one sound at a certain given time from one spatial source and source is more than anything what makes a certain sound to become the same sound it is either the source as for what makes the vibration for this same sound as considered without my cognition of whether or not I have heard this sound before or if I am the source of the sorting of these sounds into sounds and depending on how SIMIAN forgiving my boundaries are as to what could be considered by me as a same sound or simply a similar not yet same sound that could become the same sound as it is vibrated into the same air at the same time thus making the sound the same sound but if they then become the same sound they are no longer two of the same sounds but simply one same sound that is complicated only when I engage the sound through the agency of my immaterial experience of myself to gauge where and when these sounds converged and became the same sound but if it holds water to say that two sounds from two different sources can be considered the same sound then all vibrations in the air can then be described with similar terms or the same terms and then proclaimed that they are all the same sound all the sounds in the world though varying in pitch or frequency or what have you but to then measure these different sounds immediately or even quicker makes them separate some into similar sounds and some into same sounds and outside me outside me outside me there are no same sounds because if they come from more than one space they are not the same sound and if they come in more than one time they are not the same sound so none of the sounds in the world are a same sound so to continue using the term the same sound marks an error in grammar as the word same or samer cannot by any means mean anything as there are no same spaces or same times or same sounds and a sound cannot even be held for a duration because time as we experience it is linear or an approximation of linearity so sounds can really be said not to truly exist if we continue to use the term the same sound because our language is foiled in its own same logic or we need to remove time and space and origin and duration from the essential characteristics of what sound or anything may be and then we will have decided that there are no sounds at all

two excerpts from Brain.doc essay

Important as it is to write in active voice, to say “I have a soul” or “I have a brain” implies by the use of the language inherent that MY BRAIN/SOUL is a possession that i/you/me/we HAVE to substantiate by implying ownership.  It is not capable of owning itself, nor expressing itself-

expressions “my body” “my brain” or “my soul”.  “My”, the thing that owns, cannot be defined by itself, only through what it owns, and what it owns cannot be defined except through defining what owns it.